Loving Amber: Book 1 Riverstone Series - standalone (Riverstone Estate Series) Page 3

  I spot my diary on her bedside table. “You’ve been reading my diary again, you little rascal.”

  She laughs, excitement tracing the edges of her eyes. “It’s so funny. I just read all about your first kiss. You never told me it was with Aiden. He obviously had a huge crush on you.”

  I smile. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but she’s right. Reading my old diaries, it’s so obvious. And all this time, I thought he hated me.

  I press my hand on her knee, still worried about her. Ever since the breakup with Jimmy, all she’s been doing is moping in her room in the attic and reading my diary and trashy novels. “How are you holding up?”

  Her face twists slightly as she pulls her gaze from mine. “It’s hard. We were together three years, and he didn’t even give a shit about me. I thought I would die when I caught them together. It still hurts so much.”

  Tears can be contagious. A lump in my throat threatens to bring out my own. “Oh, Ruby…” is all I manage at first. I dig into my own emotions, my own experience. “I know I’ve never broken up with anyone or been cheated on…”

  She turns her gaze from mine again.

  I’m not sure if she wants to hear what I’m about to say, but I need to say it. “But I’ve lost a husband. And grief has many faces. And let me tell you… grief—it gets better. With each passing week, you’ll get better.” As I hear my own words, they sound foreign. Some days, it seems like it doesn’t get better. Some days, I just want to scream.

  She throws herself at me, and I squeeze her hard. She’s quick to pull away and wipes her tears with the heel of her hand. “Thank you.”

  I’m not sure what else to say—she and I don’t usually share these kinds of intimate moments.

  “So tomorrow we’ll go over the rooms and everything that needs to be done. There’s a certain order I like to follow.” Ruby is taking over the housekeeping duties. She’s worked as a chambermaid before, and I’m hoping there’s not too much to teach her. “Your helping out really means a lot to me. It’ll give me more time to spend with Trevor.”

  “No problem,” she says. “I’m all over it.”

  Teaching Ruby how to master proper hospital corners is proving to be more challenging than I anticipated. We’ve spent all day going over everything in thorough detail—the linens, dusting, sweeping, and washrooms.

  We work in unison to put the final touches on the master suite king bed, setting the pretty blue-and-silver cushions just so.

  “By the way, the en suite in this master is literally falling apart,” she tells me. “The hot water tap on the bath just fell off when I was cleaning.”

  I sigh, not wanting to deal with it. I take care of the cooking, cleaning, and entertaining. I’m useless when it comes to renovations. Flynn handles all of that on top of the horse boarding and barn. “I’ll mention it to Flynn pronto. We can’t afford this room to be out of commission. It’s our biggest earner.”

  “How about the horse boarding?” she asks. “How’s that going?”

  “Not too sure. But I know the banquet hall is doing great. We’re booked solid until fall,” I tell her, beaming. Every day, I’m proud we’ve been able to keep this place going. “But I’ll know more when I speak to David. He’s coming later for dinner.”

  She smirks. “Ooohhh, wasn’t he just here yesterday?” she asks with a lift of her brow. “Speaking of fixtures, the very handsome David Rhodes seems to be a permanent fixture around here these days.”

  I shake my head and pull at the corners of the bed cover—nice and tight. Perfection. “He works for us. You know that.”

  The smirk has yet to leave her face when she adds, “Oh, yes… what does he do again? Runs the banquet hall—which is in a completely different building? He’s recently divorced, isn’t he?”

  I sigh. My little sister can drive me absolutely bonkers. “He oversees all of the operations, manages the banquet hall, and deals with the business side of the estate. He’s indispensable.”

  She bites her lip. “I bet he is.”

  “Ruby, stop teasing.”

  She’s making me uncomfortable, and she damn well knows it, but she’s still not quite done with me. “Is it me, or are you blushing, Amb?” She gives a little laugh. “It’s okay. Redheads blush easily. You have no control over it, sweetie.”

  I smile. The little rascal is right. I do like David Rhodes.

  I wince when I spot the bright orange stain on my impeccable cream skirt. How I managed to spill lasagna sauce on myself, I have no idea. I always seem to have butterfingers when I’m in a hurry. The more I try to speed something up, the more I mess it up. I groan. If I don’t get that spot out right away, it’ll never come out.

  “Can you take over for a sec?” I ask Ruby, who is already busy setting the table for six. We’re expecting Flynn, David Rhodes, and his daughter tonight. “Pour the dressing on the salad and mix it. I’ll be right back.”

  I rush to my bedroom on the second level and slip out of my skirt. I went the extra mile tonight and dolled myself up a little. David Rhodes is a nice man, and I’ve been a widow for two years, as Ruby always likes to point out these days. I like him, and his daughter is absolutely precious. I’m eager to see how she and Trevor will get along.

  I dab the stain delicately. Slowly but surely, I’m getting rid of it. I think about David again. He doesn’t really light me up, but who needs that? What I’m looking for is a nice man, a father figure for my son, a provider, someone who will fit in seamlessly with my family—that part is non-negotiable. He’s a handsome man: clean-cut, nice blue eyes, and dirty blond hair kept short. He looks nice in khakis and a dress shirt. He’s the kind of man who always looks exactly the same every time I see him—no surprises. I appreciate that about him.

  I hurry back down to the kitchen, the heart of our beautiful house. It’s the hub that seems to bring us all together and lures us and our guests from the beautiful six bedrooms in the old classic Victorian estate we call our home. I’m the queen bee, and my well-appointed kitchen is the centre of our hive.

  I’m happy to see David and his daughter when I get back downstairs.

  “Hello, Dave,” I say with a polite kiss on his cheek. “Hi, Morgan,” I add with a bright smile.

  “Hello, Mrs. McAnulty.”

  Morgan is so sweet. Although she’s the same age as Trevor, she seems so much older. That’s probably because she’s taller and so much more outgoing. Although Trevor has always been extroverted like his father, lately he’s been quieter, more withdrawn, burying himself in books. These past few years of having a deceased father and a grieving mother who often closes herself in have probably not helped his development much. I can’t help but hope that Morgan’s and David’s presences will help ease him out of his shell.

  I shake my head; I know I’m getting ahead of myself. “Please sit down, guys. Everything’s ready, and we’re just about to eat.”

  David shoots me a kind smile. “Great, I’m starving. Thank you.”

  Ruby sets the bowl of salad on the table. “It’s nice to see you, Dave.”

  “Likewise,” he says with a smile in my direction.

  “You seem to be around quite a lot,” she goes on, up to her old antics again. “How nice of you to be so helpful.”

  He stares at his empty plate. “Just trying to keep the place running smoothly.”

  “And that you do,” she says playfully. “It’s fantastic. Everyone knows Amber needs the help. By the way, doesn’t she look lovely tonight?”

  I can’t help but roll my eyes.

  “Uh… uh, yes, she does,” he stumbles a bit.

  I can tell she’s made him completely uncomfortable. I just want to throttle her. Instead, I smile a little. This takes me back to when Paul and I were about fifteen, getting hot and heavy in the sitting room, and there was little Ruby, nine years old, head propped over the back of the sofa, wearing her wolfish grin and staring at us unapologetically.

  The door swings open, and I’m jolted back to the present. Flynn swoops in for a hug, smelling like horses and the outside as he always does. His huge hazel eyes take me in from head to toe. “Wow, you look nice, little sis. What’s the big occasion?”

  Just as he utters the words, he turns to see David and clues in, but I’m already completely mortified. Now it’s obvious I’ve gone out of my way for him.

  Flynn takes a seat next to Trevor and ruffles his hair. “Hey, Trev. What’s up?”

  “Hi, Uncle Flynn,” Trevor cheers. “Where have you been? I missed you.”

  Flynn’s infectious grin fills the room. “Busy, buddy. I missed you too.”

  I smile as I make my way around the table, handing out generous portions of lasagna. One thing we do well here is eat, and I have the curves to prove it. Ruby, on the other hand, is enviously thin despite the fact that she eats as much as the rest of us.

  “It’s nice to have Uncle Flynn over. I love it when we’re all here,” I say.

  “Thanks for letting us join you,” David chimes in.

  “Our pleasure,” I say. “But I must confess, this dinner is not purely leisure. We need to talk a little business too.”

  We enjoy our meal amongst chatter, talking mostly about the barn and the estate. Flynn tells us the horse boarding is running smoothly. He doesn’t often talk about the equine-assisted therapy he does, and I understand why—patient-doctor confidentiality and all that. He helps people on a weekly basis, does his good for the world. My big brother is amazing. I can see that he’s in his element, having combined his education with his passion for horses.

  Ruby shares her domestic adventures working at our bed-and-breakfast inn. We had a few guests over the weekend, and it was an eye-opener for her. She’s not quite picking things up as quickly as anticipated. She doesn’t fold towels properly and occasionally forgets to restock toilet paper or empty the wastebaskets, but she does give each and every guest a pretty candle she handcrafted. So there’s that.

  Then, as is usually the way, we talk about the boring stuff—bills that need to paid, things that need to be done and fixed.

  “We got any cash to work with for renovations?” Flynn asks David.

  David cocks a brow as he grabs his glass of water. “Yep, there’s always a healthy surplus for emergencies. What did you have in mind?”

  “We need to redo the master bath,” Flynn says. “We’ve been putting it off, but the master is a big earner for us and the guests expect a certain level of quality. A bathroom in total disrepair won’t fly.”

  David nods. “Makes sense.”

  It’s just a typical conversation, identical in every way to the dozens of conversations we’ve had in the past, so I don’t see what’s coming next.

  Flynn turns to me. “I got Aiden Rogers out here yesterday. He gave me a decent quote.”

  The room seems to collapse around me at the sound of his name. My heart wants to leap out of my chest and protest wildly. Oddly enough, I’m completely speechless. One thing I know is I do not want Aiden Rogers anywhere near me.

  “Pardon?” I finally manage to utter.

  Flynn catches my wide-eyed stare and goes on, determined. “You’re the one who told me to look after this. I had him in yesterday when you were out running errands. He’s competitive. He’s good. And he can be trusted.”

  My eyes sting. My heart is as heavy as a stone. The man who got my husband and my brother drunk then let my brother drive, knowing he was drunk. Can this man be trusted? I shake my head. “No. Absolutely not. I will not have it.”

  All eyes at the table are on me now. I want to retreat quietly, but I’m stuck here until this is settled. I will not have that man in my home.

  Flynn shakes his head. “Of course he can be trusted, Amb. We’ve known him all our lives.” He digs into his lasagna again.

  I’ve abandoned my fork, unable to eat another bite. “I want you to shop around. Get more quotes.”

  I scan the faces around the table. Trevor and little Morgan seem to be playing a game with their bread. Normally, I would scold him for playing with his food, but this time I’m glad he has the distraction. Ruby’s and David’s attentions, on the other hand, are fully focused on our every word.

  I suck in a deep breath. “Please work with me on this, Flynn.”

  “I don’t have time to look for other quotes,” he explains. “And I’m sure you don’t either. You’ve got plenty on your plate from what I can see.”

  He’s right. Neither of us has the time to shop around. We fall into silence for a minute or so, the clatter and clink of utensils and dishware filling the room. Trevor and Morgan are full of giggles, still not touching their food.

  Flynn finds my gaze again and says in his therapist voice, “I’m not sure what happened with you and Aiden, Amber. But you know the accident wasn’t his fault, right? I don’t understand why you’ve shut him out.”

  I can’t believe him. I can’t believe he would dredge all this up now, especially with David here. “It’s none of your business,” I snap.

  His face flushes, and his infamous temper flares a little. “I just don’t get it. You guys have known each other since you were ten years old. And now you won’t even see him? You’ve completely turned your back on the poor guy. I can tell he’s hurt… he asks about you all the time.”

  My breath hitches. The awful truth is that I think about him all the time too. I wonder how he’s doing, if he’s still with Melissa, if he’s fully recovered from his injuries. Despite myself, I still care. “How… when have you seen him?”

  Flynn sets his fork down. “He rides at the barn almost every week. More often lately. He has a new dog now—a funny-looking chocolate lab. He’s just finishing up work at the Kimble mansion. A rich guy just bought the place. ”

  I nod and stare at my half-eaten lasagna. I want to ask how he is. I want to ask a million questions, but as I lift my gaze and spot Ruby’s and David’s eyes glued to me, I don’t dare. I don’t want anyone to know I still care.

  What would I say to him if he were sitting in front of me right now? It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, but I chose this. I was the one who told him to never contact us again, to leave and never look back. I saw the hurt on Aiden’s face when I sent him away. Those huge brown eyes of his seemed to get even bigger, sadder. I’d never hurt anyone before, and it twisted my insides, made me feel sick. I had so much anger in me. Taking it out on him was the only way to release it. He was my punching bag. How do I face him again? I want to tell him how sorry I am. Yet I’m still so angry; I still blame him.

  I sit up straight and swallow hard. “I’ll look into renovators. I really don’t want to deal with Aiden Rogers.”

  Flynn rolls his eyes. “You wouldn’t even know where to start.”

  How can I explain to Flynn that to let this man in my house, in my life, is to bring up all the pain again? I was doing so well, finally moving on. Today, I woke up happy. I sang a little in the shower. I spent a good ten minutes picking out just the right outfit for tonight, anticipating seeing David. For the first time in a long time, I had a normal day. I just know that after one look into those beautiful brown eyes, I’ll be done. I'll be destroyed again.

  I should tell Flynn all this, but no, I remain quiet as a mouse, picking at what’s left of my meal. No one would understand. They can’t because no one knows the whole story.

  “Amber,” Flynn adds in his best ‘I understand and I’m going to help’ therapist voice, “you need to get past this. Sure, he was there, and I understand how seeing him might bring all that up again, but he’s a friend. And not just yours. To shut him out like this is just not fair to him, to us, and even to yourself.”

  “And you guys used to be the best of friends,” Ruby chimes in, finally joining the conversation. “Blood brothers and all that.”

  “How long has it been since you’ve seen Aiden? Maybe he’s changed?” David asks, obviously very curious.

  “Yes,” I tell him with a tight smile. “We haven’t spoken in quite a while.”

  He nods, and silence fills the room once again.

  “I… I was thinking of inviting him to dinner,” Flynn tells me with a wince, apparently anticipating my reaction. “To talk over the renos and stuff… catch up.”

  I let out the longest sigh my lungs can physically expel—and an indiscernible growl too. I don’t know how to respond.

  “I wanted to run it past you,” he says. “You could make us something good. Remember how he used to love Mom’s shepherd’s pie? You could whip that up, maybe?”

  I want to strangle him. I literally want to strangle my beautiful, sweet brother. His playful smile and soft honey eyes are not going to charm me this time. He’s always had the uncanny ability to get me to do anything he wanted. Not this time.

  I wipe the corners of my mouth with my linen napkin. I set it delicately on the table and stand at a snail’s pace, measuring my movements. “Excuse me. I need a moment.”

  And I leave. I bound up to my room, lock the door, crash onto my bed, and cry.

  Not two minutes later, I hear Ruby at the door. “Amber, let me in.”

  I ignore her. Then it’s Flynn at the door. I throw a pillow over my head. Seriously, can a girl not even have a damn meltdown in peace?

  “Open the door, Amb,” Flynn presses.

  Apparently not.

  Then I hear Trevor. “Are you okay, Mommy?”

  I can hear the worry in his sweet little voice. It absolutely breaks me. My sobs become louder and uncontrollable as I get up from the bed, open the door, and reach for him. I let him in. Only him. I pull him into a tight hug. My little monkey’s skinny arms lock tightly around me, and I don’t ever want to let go.

  “I love you, Mommy,” he says so sweetly.

  “I love you too.” We remain locked in our embrace for the longest time, until he pulls from me.

  He studies me intently, his father’s blue eyes staring back at me. “Why don’t you want to see Uncle Aiden anymore?”

  His words catch me off guard. I don’t quite know what to say.